My baby is 7!

My Doctor's Appointment Today

When I got there the doctor was in an emergency c-section, I suppose that can't be helped, so we were all asked to wait or reschedule, I chose to just wait. My appointment was for 9:45 and I wasn't seen until 11:20, but that's ok, I'd rather wait for a doctor that gives you his undivided attention than see a dr on time who is rushed.

He came in, we discussed everything, time for more bloodwork to make sure my dose of synthyroid is strong enough. Then he is really pushing for IUI again, which I want to do, but since I know I need to have the iodine test done on my thyroid I'd rather wait for that first. So we settled on doing a hysteroscopy and HSG during my next cycle. I ovulated yesterday so I should be ready to do the Hysteroscopy on November 10th, so that's when we scheduled it for. I'll probably end up having the HSG around the same time.

So that's about where we are at...I just have this feeling, this next child of ours is still going to be incredibly difficult. Sigh....

10 Weird Things About Me...

Wow are there 10 things that are weird about me? Let's see...

1. I bet none of you know, I play World of Warcraft (I know, I succumbed to Kevin's darkside) and I have a level 60 mage named Tarilynn. (Level 60 is the top level right now, so to WoWers it's big stuff LOL)

2. I HATE cleaning my house, I set aside one hour a day to do it, and will pick up a bit here and there but if it can't be done in that amount of time or the once a week 3 hour block, I just will not do it.

3. I bite my fingernails...please no comments about what you saw under a microscope once in biology!!

4. I probably let my kids watch too much tv....and I probably watch too much TV as well.

5. I am planning on going back to school to become a surgical technician, then when my kids are out of the house grown up, and I can devote all of myself to the program I am going to go back to school to become an RN.

6. I recently bought a wireless keyboard and mouse - they are NOT good....

7. Well ok, like Kate, I do not hear well at all, but I'm in denial. I need to get a hearing aid but I'm terrified of the cost - it's not covered by insurance - so I try not to think about it.

8. I don't mind when my husband works out of town anymore....Banquet makes dinner in the microwave and we get to just hang out, and he's going to come back...so it's not a big deal any more.

9. I'm awed by my boys every day, I'm sure not everyone thinks everything they do is as amazing as I think it is, but I find something about them that I am shocked about every day and am left wondering how I got such wonderful kids.

10. I refuse to make Jello...I don't mind eating it, but I can't ever seem to get it right so I quit trying....besides I don't want to be THAT LDS lady....LOL

Um, I'm gonna tag Maren! (When you feel up to it..((((Hugs))))) )

Conversation

It is kind of nice to have a conversation every day now with Jakey home. He responds to things I'm saying and has the cutest insights to things! We had a very interesting conversation this morning...

Jakey: Is there a test to be a missionary?

Me: Um, not really a test like what you mean, more like an interview and an application type process.

Jakey: oh. Who interviews you?

Me: Well first the bishop...

Jakey: Is he going to ask me if I know how to make my bed?

Me: Why?

Jakey: Because Erin told me that her sister had to know how to do her own laundry and make her own bed before she could go on a mission, and I am not very good at getting the bottom sheet on the bed.

Me: Well you have 12 years, I'm sure you'll figure it out before then.

Jakey: Ok, cause I want to go on a mission, and that's just silly, making your bed doesn't have anything to do with riding a bike!

Eek. LOL so yeah, another conversation will have to be had about missionary work...LOL.

In other news, Justin got a superman costume and while he REALLY wanted it, he's not a fan of having the cape tied to him...LOL. He desperately wants to like it, so he can be like Jakey (they're both being Superman for Halloween) but he just doesn't.

Today is my at home day this week, so I need to work on the house. Last night we had a family party for Jakey and Natalle, I'll have my mom email me the pictures because I forgot my camera. It was fun, the kids all had a blast. My mom's friends birthdy is the same day as Natalle's and so we put her name on the cake too but got her a candle that just said happy birthday but it looked funny with Natalle's 6 and Jakey's 7, it looked like we were wishing her a Happy 67th birthday! LOL

Jakey's bowling party is on Saturday and he's super excited about that. I have a bunch of coupons for free bowling and so I might take him to "practice" later this week for some alone time. My mom is likely going back to work next week and so she's going to keep Justin one day for me so that I can do something with just Jakey before I don't have her around as much anymore.

I am really worried about the girls with my mom going back to work. At this point my dad is saying that he's going to hire someone else even though she offered to keep watching them if he would help her in getting some after school care figured out for Natalle, but just for like 1 hour. I think he's going to have his exwife (not my mom) sign the papers and let Eric's girlfriend (who couldn't pass the background check) actually babysit them, which will be awful for the girls. Because it was Natalle's Birthday this past weekend, Eric had them over to his house for the weekend and they came back with tons of temporary tattoo's on them and blue lipstick...nice.

Jakey had his 7 year physical yesterday, the dr said he is the picture of health for a 7 year old boy. 51 inches and 61 lbs, good hearing, good vision, good blood pressure, heart rate, even good urine! Yay Jakey!

Well better clean up the house on this day home...soon enough Jakey's curriculum will be here and we'll have to be more structured.

Jakey, on whether or not Buddy is a boy or a girl doggy:

Jakey: Mommy is Buddy a girl or a boy?

Me: I'm not sure, I think he's a boy. But, I'm not really sure.

Jakey: Well I think he's a boy.

Me: Why?

Jakey: Because he lays on his back with his legs sprawled out, he's very immodest and rude. And he poops on the floor sometimes, and that's rude too. He's a boy because boys are rude like that.

Me: So only boys are rude?

Jakey: Well, mostly boys. Girls are too nice to be rude, most of the time.

There you have it folks, Buddy is a boy cause he's rude.

9 More Days

Every morning we have a discussion with Jakey about how many more days there are until his birthday. On October 28th, he'll be 7! He gets so excited talking about it. But then he always says, plus three more and it'll be Halloween!

I'm not sure what the boys are going to be for Halloween, I've thrown out suggestions, they've thrown out a few ideas, and nothing is perfect. We're probably going to get their costumes this weekend so the indecisiveness will have to stop! Probably end up with a Superman and a Bob The Builder though....

Jakey's placement testing is complete and his curriculum adviser is going to be calling me today to discuss what grade level he is at. I think he did very well on his tests, better than his grades have been reflecting. My favorite part of homeschooling is there is no homework, to me it doesn't make sense to saddle a kid with an hour of homework after 6+ hours of school, I can understand that it's to keep the parents involved so they know what their children are learning at school, but still, I'm just glad we don't have to deal with it anymore.

I am going to his old school this afternoon to pick up his records and have a talk with his principal, I am in the process of writing the district a letter about this situation, and the first counselor in our bishopric is a news anchorman on our local NBC affiliate and he wants to do a story about what happened at Jakey's school, but how much attention do I want? I still have to live in this neighborhood, so while the program would only be broadcast in English, I still worry about families in the neighborhood seeing it and doing things to us or our house. But, I also want other families and children to not have to go through what we've gone through. And, I want the enrollment to be totally open to us for next year, so if he decides to go back to public school he can go to one of the more diverse schools in the district. There is a school not too far from us that is a K-8th out in the country, smaller school, less kids.

Anyhow, the boys are playing Trouble, and I need to make their breakfast, so have a great day!

So far...

....things are going great! I've been doing Jakey's testing for placement in the new program and he's exceling, and watching him excel at these tests almost bothers me when I think of all the tests that come home from school and alot of them are marked as having a ton of wrong answers, yet here he is, showing me what he knows and doesn't know and exceling? I sort of doing get that....but either way, he's really a smart boy!

Today the papers will all be final and tomorrow he'll be officially withdrawn from his school. I asked him if there is any of his personal belongings at the school and he says there aren't so there is no need for him to go back to his classroom. He did seem a bit sad yesterday and when I asked him why he said that he wouldn't get to make a secret present for me and Kevin for Christmas, and mother's day and that bothered him a bit, so I talked to my mom and she said she'd help him do something like that for those holidays and he seemed really excited again. Other than that, he's just been really excited! Tomorrow afternoon he's going over to a homeschooled friends house for a bit to play and do a science experiement with their family, so he's excited about that.

Justin is loving having Jakey home all day, and he's really showing off his smarts too when he sits down and does his worksheets while I'm testing Jakey, the boy really knows his colors and shapes!

My cold is almost gone as well....the last few nights Ive had a migraine at the end of the day but hopefully that part will be gone soon too and I can get on with things, the boys haven't been able to go anywhere for a few days cause I've been so sick. Hopefully Friday we'll be up for the park.

So we've decided

to homeschool Jakey. We found a really good public charter school for him to attend, and started the enrollment process and have decided we're going to give this a try. He did the online assessments so they can place him in the right courses and he did so great at the math test! I'm so proud of him! Now later today he's going to do the writing test and we'll finish his enrollment packet and get that mailed off and then wait for his books and computer to arrive. I set him up with a piano teacher who is using the same program for her six kids, and we're both excited because on Wednesdays she'll keep my children in the morning so I can run errands and she can give Jakey a piano lesson and on Thursdays I'll go to her house and help her out by tutoring her 6th grader (just for the different perspective I can give) and babysit while she goes to a quilting thing at the church. So that will be nice to still have one day a week to make drs appts or to run errands, etc. Everything is really falling into place, so I'm sure that this is the right decision for our family.

Anyhow we're removing Jakey from his school immediately so he's home today for the placement testing and to help me get the house organized, a part of his "school day" will be spent on some household chores so by helping me with housework today we'll figure out what those will be and try to establish some kind of routine before his books arrive. It is nice having him home, Justin's beyond thrilled.

I feel like such a bad mom...

Today when I picked Jakey up from school his teacher stalked out to the car shoving Jakey in front of her, so I knew this wasn't going to be good. She reaches the car and is putting him in and going off about how a little girl in the class has been threatened by Jakey and was refusing to come to school and that she's seperated Jakey and he is sitting by himself in the classroom (they sit in groups). I had gone to his parent teacher conference just two weeks ago and told his teacher that the little girl who sits next to him has been making comments to him about him being stupid and just basically making him feel bad and that he didn't want to be in the classroom anymore, at the conference his teacher said that she would move the girl to another group the next day. So now almost two weeks later I come to find out this girl was never moved! Then she's talking about how campus security was supposed to call me last week because they were going to suspend Jakey for telling this little girl he was going to hit her. At this point I'm like I want to talk to Jakey alone, I'll talk to you later.

I get Jakey home and I'm like what in the world is going on here, Jakey? He has a breakdown, he says that the little girl had a bunch of people come up to him on recess and tell him that he better never talk to her again or they would find him and beat him up. I'm like, who are you playing with at school? Were any of your friends around when this happend? And he says, no he doesn't have any friends because everyone speaks Spanish on recess and since he doesn't know Spanish they won't talk to him. It has taken everything in me to not have ripped him out of this school because I have seen this coming. We live in a heavily hispanic area and while we are far from prejuidiced people, naturally, I knew this would happen, that he would get left out of things just for not speaking their language. And I'm mad, this is Freaking America, NOT Mexico!

So I called the campus security guy and told him my take on this whole thing, and he says well I will talk to his teacher and call you tomorrow morning and set up a time for you to come in in the morning so we can discuss it with the principal. Basically I told him, if his teacher had listened to me at parent teacher conference that we wouldn't be here, that my son wouldn't have been threatened. Neither the campus security guy or his teacher seem too inclined to care or belivee that Jakey is being picked on because of his race because they are both Hispanic as well.

What in the world am I going to say tomorrow? I just wanted my child to go to school, he didn't have to be the most popular kid, but for him to have a few friends and to learn and grow socially and educationally, and that is not happening here. Tutoring programs that had been available to him at every other school he has attended are not available because this school is still in the process of being built and they just cannot attend to those types of needs at this point. I feel awful because Jakey never told me about the kids threatening him on the playground, or about being moved to a desk by himself, with no group, 5 school days ago! Man, parenting is hard.

Bleh, being sick stinks!

Don't you hate colds? I hate the ones that come on like this one did. Saturday I sneezed a few times in a row and thought, "I hope I'm not getting sick..." and by Saturday evening my throat was feeling a bit raw, by the time our company left Saturday night I was ready to keel over! I sent Kevin to the store because it was getting close to Sunday, and we were out, and by the time he got back I was SO SICK. Our Primary President had a baby on Monday so I was supposed to take care of everything on Sunday because our other counselor isn't very reliable and our Secretary can be a bit flakey as well, but they both totally stepped up and took care of everything so I could stay home. I took medicine and slept all day, and nothing, still sick today.

Anyhow, in other news, we have a new addition to our family - Buddy. Justin opened the front door on Saturday and ran outside and when Kevin went to bring him back in he found Justin playing with a puppy in the front yard. They went up and down our street looking for the owners of the puppy and no one claimed him. Then Saturday night someone a few blocks over came to "claim" him but didn't want him, just wanted us to know we could have him if we wanted him. Buddy is a wirey haired terrier of some sort....he'll grow up to be somewhere between small and medium sized dog. Currently Buddy is in the bathroom because during meals he will attack the kids for their food (even if he has his own) and he's howling, so I'm hoping Justin finishes his breakfast quickly so that I can let him out. Buddy is not house trained and getting anyone to take him out to potty is like pulling teeth so we're going to have to work on that because I did not really want the dog and so those who did need to help out!

Anyhow I'm off to take a hot steamy shower because my head is so stuffy! Bye!

Friday, The Thirteenth!

Oohhhhh, scary!

Well the weather starting around midnight has been pretty scary! Lightening and thunder, rain, yikes! The boys came to sleep with me in the middle of the night cause they were so scared! Then, this morning on the way to take Jakey to school, I realized the scariest part - my windshield wipers are old and don't work right! AHHHHHHHHH!!! Also, I don't know how to change them out. Luckily, Kevin worked for Kragens (in other parts of the country it's Checkers or Shucks) for seven years and I know the manager of the one closest to my house - so I can drive on down there, buy new ones, and get their newest lacky employee to come out and install them for me! Yay!

Unfortunately, once my wipers are fixed, I have to drive to a city 30 minutes away to pick up Kevin's paycheck. Boo! I don't wanna! In good news, Kevin's coming home today - he does have to work next weekend, but this weekend, he's coming home! He'll be here around 5 or 6 this evening and should be heading straight to our former bishop's house (barn) for our 9th Annual Ward Barn Dance (adult only). The boys are going to stay the night at Kevin's mom's house tonight, and after the Barn Dance we're going to go get a movie and enjoy watching that together. Yay!

So Justin's eating me out of house and home, literally, the child eats SO MUCH FOOD everyday! I bought him a new shirt and pants at the store, and I bought 3T figuring he's coming out of 24 months, surely we're just skipping 2T and going into 3T, that's fine, if I want his belly to show! Yikes! Apparently he needs a 4T in shirts, who'd have thunk it? He's only 2.5 years old! Man! He's growing so fast! Jakey has grown like 3 inches since I bought his school clothes, and while he has worn them quite a bit I was hoping that he'd stay in them a bit longer than it looks like he's going to. Both of them now need new church clothes too, unless I start liking the highwater look, with not being able to button the sleeves of their shirts because their too small too. Yikes! No more feeding these kids! They're just growing too fast!

In other strange news, I have a load of laundry I've had to restart every day for the last 3 days because I forget to put it in the dryer and it smells bad the next day, so could you all try to remind me in about 25 minutes that I need to switch that load over? Thanks, I'd appreciate it.

Well, I'm off to shower, and tie a string around my finger about that load of laundry, and get my windshield wipers replaced, and hope that it doesn't rain too hard when I'm driving so far away, and pick up Kevin's check, and pay bills, and clean up the house, and drop off the boys, and go to the barn dance......yay, fun day!

"It Must Be Nice...."

Today I was on the phone with a friend who has two sons, one is 3 and the other is 8 months old. We were talking about our day and she said that it sounds quiet, I said that Justin was watching a movie and Jakey was at school. And then she said the words, as her baby cries in the background and her toddler is asking for something, that break my heart...."It must be nice." She goes on to say that it must be nice to have one in school and the other one a bit older and no babies so that I can work on the house, read a book, or do whatever I want. What kills me is she knows me, well. She knows of our infertility, she knows how much I want another baby. After I swallowed the knot in my throat I simply said, "actually I'd rather have the crying baby. I have to go, there's a book I want to read in my spare time." And I hung up.

I'm sick and tired of insensitive comments! I'm tired of people assuming that we're just too selfish to have more children or making dumb comments like "well you can have one of mine" or "why would you want to start all over again with your kids' ages?" Then there is the ever popular, "just relax", "you're still so young", "it'll happen", "trying for that girl aren't you?"! Ugh!

I know I'm on the road to fixing my body, I know that I'm not condemned to a lifetime of suffering from infertility, that the odds are I will probably overcome this at some point, and when I do, I hope I never become someone to take fertility for granted, to lose sight of the precious gift it is to be able to bear children.

A very close friend had her baby on Monday. I'm truly happy for her, but I tell you, my arms have never felt more empty.

If anyone comments "you have two boys already" I'll be forced to hunt you down....fair warning.

Halloween Candy

So, at Albertson's today, I caved. I gave in! All those aisles of candy and Halloween treats got to me. I'm not a huge candy/sweets person, but I have a weakness - Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. The bag is now awaiting it's desmise in the freezer, did I mention I like them frozen? Oh they're so good that way, and hidden from the kids! Another fave would have to be Almond Joy, but I'm really good at turning down that one 99% of the time. In candy I really don't like: Candy Corn - yuck! I so rarely buy candy though, when I bought these Reece's Justin didn't even know what they were, or ask for them! I'm sure that with Halloween coming up, and him being so much older this year he'll figure it out, but for today he was too busy being terrified of the scary Halloween decorations to notice!

Overwhelmed

This morning Kevin left for Arizona. I've been a trucker's wife for quite a few years now, enough to know what his leaving feels like. This morning, was so much worse. It might be because he's not sure when he's coming home, or it might be that we don't know how long this job is going to last. I don't know which, all I know is that when the door shut this morning, and Justin was cuddled up against me, I felt this overwhelming responsibility thrown on me. Like when he shut the door, I realized until he comes home I'm the only one who's going to feed and bathe the kids, take them places, clean up after them, and most importantly keep them safe. I am the only one here to protect them and our home, and worse, I'm going to do it all alone, for who knows how long. I say three weeks because Kevin told them Jakey's birthday is in three weeks and he wants to come home that weekend, but we're not really sure if that's going to work out. I tried to go back to sleep, but it's just not working. I called him, but tried really hard not to let him know how upset I am, because then he gets upset and depressed, and I know that as hard as it is on me to take care of everything here, it's really hard on him to be away from us too.

The boys will be up soon, so I better get back in bed, I don't want them to know I'm upset, because I don't want them to be upset. I hope that he gets to come home as soon as possible...

Where have I been?

I've just been busy! Kevin's been on vacation most of this last week, so we spent a ton of time together and with the boys and just had fun. He's leaving tomorrow morning to go to Arizona for 3 weeks. I'm totally bummed about this because I feel like 3 weeks is a very long time to not come home at all.

The boys have also been sick. Justin had an ear infection and sinus infection and he got his shots on Friday so he's not feeling so wonderful. Jakey had a high fever and sore throat but it eventually went away on it's own.

In other news, I'm adjusting to my medication still. I wish the meds made me feel instantly better like the metformin did when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Instead I have these horrible muscle pains and they are KILLING me! I feel like I've been beaten with a stick. At night I have horrible charlie horse type cramps in different muscles throughout my body. The dr said about 10 more days of these side effects from adjusting and I should feel quite a bit better, I sure hope so! This is pretty miserable. The worst muscle pain is in my butt, which I assure you has NO muscle so that's quite ironic :)

I got an appt in December to see an endocrinologist to discuss removing my thyroid, I don't need it anyways, so I'm ok with it, just not the actual surgery - which requires a few days in the hospital and the scar, call me vain but I'm not super excited to get a cut across my throat.

Today at church two boys were sustained to be ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood, it was good for Jakey cause he asked alot of questions and showed alot of excitement about turning 12 someday and getting the Priesthood. We attended a convert baptism for a child in primary yesterday as well and he is super excited to get baptized next year, so a weekend full of good experiences with him.

Hmmm, what else did I want to say? My thoughts are kind of scattered, when I run into people in the grocery store, or they IM or call me on the phone or see me at the park or whatever (basically any interaction with anyone besides my family) everyone keeps commenting that I seem "different" and I feel it too...my moods aren't swinging like they used to, I don't get super upset, but I don't get super excited either now? Does that make sense? I have to really try to be outgoing right now, I don't really know what's up with that because this should have kicked me out of my depression and I feel more "in the middle" than ever, sure I'm not sad, but I'm not really happy either? Maybe it just takes getting used to, not feeling extreme about anything.

Well I'll try harder, I promise, to be a better blogger. Kevin's going to be gone, someone has to keep me sane!