"It Must Be Nice...."

Today I was on the phone with a friend who has two sons, one is 3 and the other is 8 months old. We were talking about our day and she said that it sounds quiet, I said that Justin was watching a movie and Jakey was at school. And then she said the words, as her baby cries in the background and her toddler is asking for something, that break my heart...."It must be nice." She goes on to say that it must be nice to have one in school and the other one a bit older and no babies so that I can work on the house, read a book, or do whatever I want. What kills me is she knows me, well. She knows of our infertility, she knows how much I want another baby. After I swallowed the knot in my throat I simply said, "actually I'd rather have the crying baby. I have to go, there's a book I want to read in my spare time." And I hung up.

I'm sick and tired of insensitive comments! I'm tired of people assuming that we're just too selfish to have more children or making dumb comments like "well you can have one of mine" or "why would you want to start all over again with your kids' ages?" Then there is the ever popular, "just relax", "you're still so young", "it'll happen", "trying for that girl aren't you?"! Ugh!

I know I'm on the road to fixing my body, I know that I'm not condemned to a lifetime of suffering from infertility, that the odds are I will probably overcome this at some point, and when I do, I hope I never become someone to take fertility for granted, to lose sight of the precious gift it is to be able to bear children.

A very close friend had her baby on Monday. I'm truly happy for her, but I tell you, my arms have never felt more empty.

If anyone comments "you have two boys already" I'll be forced to hunt you down....fair warning.