Well I do feel more reassured.

When I got there my blood pressure was elevated so they had me lay down in a procedure room until it was my turn to be seen, and my bp came down to within acceptable range. Then the doctor spent a long time going over research on different types of drugs for PTL and basically explained that no study definitively proves that any preterm labor drugs really work, and that past prolonging labor until steroids can be given for baby's lungs, the side effects and risks outweight the benefits of using them extensively.

Basically he said that the only things that really work are not irritating the cervix further, so staying on bedrest and pelvic rest helps because you keep pressure off the cervix, other than that, he said there isn't much that can be done, you're either predetermined to have your baby early genetically/physiologically whatever, or you're not.

I don't know - on one hand with Justin I do felt like the magnesium helped, but on hte other hand who knows if I would have hung on just as long without it.

Anyhow, he did say that all he can really do to reassure me is to make sure that as long as I am pregnant that me and the baby are as healthy as we can be. I got a prescription for antibiotics because there seems to be some kind of infection showing up in my blood work, and I am going weekly now, on Tuesdays for alternating things - one week I'll get an NST and then see him, and the next I'll get a Biophysical Profile and then see him...so I feel better that he's keeping an eye on us.

I did voice my concerns over the busyness of the office and how long waits are and how long the return call for something so important was and he agreed and said he does need to try to focus harder on his patients and so on. He apologized and said that wouldnt happen again and that he will be making sure that I'm well taken care of from here on out...so hopefully, we'll see.

Anyhow, I'm exhausted - I swear I have to pee every hour on the hour...LOL So I'm gonna go nap before Kev gets home wiht the boys (his sister is watching them for us.)

Well today I have an appointment with my doctor. We'll see how that goes, it's at 10:15 am. My last appointment I had to wait over 2 hours for, so who knows when I'll finally be home.

This office is the one I was using before I got pregnant, and the doctor who saw me through Justin's pregnancy and even delivered him early (34 weeks). I swear though it's like he walks in a room and has no idea what's going on anymore because he's desperately trying to branch out. When I saw him with Justin he was with Kaiser (big HMO) and then he opened his private practice when I started to see him for infertility in March 2006. (My insurance changed that January too.) When the practice was smaller if anything was funky with my blood work or anything he'd call me directly, he knew my name and my situation without even glancing at my chart. As the practice has grown (he recently opened a satelitte office to branch out into cosmestics - laser hair removal, etc.) he just seems lost all the time. He repeats questions, forgets to sign lab slips, forgets to actually write prescriptions he says he's going to give you at the end of an appointment, has difficulty remembering how many weeks he wants you back in when you walk up to the desk to check out with him, etc.

I intend to discuss this with him at my appointment. It's not just even those things, but like in the office there is not much seating room, maybe 15 chairs total and they recently removed 3 chairs to put in a salt water fishtank. How is that in the best interests of the patients? Now there are consistently people standing because there is no seating room, and heaven help his staff if I have to stand today! Also, the office manager recently quit and the staff has really gotten out of control as far as quality goes - wait times don't matter, nothing matters anymore. You'll be waiting for something and see 4 medical assistants standing around giggling and NONE of them are taking weights and blood pressures and all of that stuff. It's frusterating!

Anyhow, we'll see how today goes. I have to go yell at the kids for the 87437297432 time to get their shoes on.

So I called the doctor's office at 8:00 this morning and the nurse took down my symptoms, etc. and said that she would talk to the doctor and call me back. At 9:00 am I still hadn't heard anything so I called, she said, "I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet about your situation, let me do that and call you right back." I was FURIOUS. I told her too that I think it's incredibly irresponsible to not have talked to the doctor about a patient who's having preterm labor within an hour of her call. She called me back an hour later, so 10:00 am and said that the doctor said that if the terbutaline is making me feel bad, just don't take it anymore. There's nothing he can do, I'm either going to have the baby or I'm not and I've had steroids so that's it. I feel incredibly dumped off. I started bawling. I told her I feel really uncomfortable with not taking the meds because Justin was born prematurely and I feel uncomfortable with taking them with no one checking my blood pressure or anything out because I feel so horrible on them. And she just said, "well take them or don't, it's up to you." That's it...that's the fabulous advice.

Then she says to just keep my appointment for tomorrow morning so that we can do the fFN test. (She didn't know what it was called, she said, "that one test, with the swab".)

I feel VERY MUCH like I've been pushed aside, that my care is NOT a priority, that my health is NOT a priority and that my baby's health is NOT a priority. So I've been sitting here crying cause I don't know what to do. Do I demand to be seen and then just have the office staff treat me more horribly? Do I just go to L&D and deal with his attitude if/when he comes to see me? Do I try to find a new doctor? Do I stop the meds because I'm really worried about my blood pressure and pulse on them? Do I continue the meds because it might prevent her from being born early? I feel like I'm supposed to be able to depend on someone educated in this field and he's basically just telling me there's nothing else he can do for me. Which is a load of crap because other things were done for me with Justin and he managed to hang in for three more weeks.

Anyhow, I don't know what to do. Kev wants to go talk to the doctor directly, I am so sick about it all I don't even want to step foot in the doctor's office. I am seriously considering just stopping the meds and going to labor and delivery when things pick up later today and then demanding a second opinion from another doctor at the hospital before consenting to any treatment or LACK of treatment from my doctor. I'm just so disappointed in my care. And confused.

I'm waiting for the doctor to call me back, I'm either on my way to his office or L&D again. I'll have Kev update when he can.

Yesterday was rought with shakiness, my heart racing, and a headache. Plus contractions really breaking through the medicine. By afternoon I took a nap and sort of felt like things were calming down. Last night I went to bed and had a HORRIBLE night with contractions that were about impossible laying on my back, cramping, and having to go to the bathroom. Plus my chest being so heavy that I coughed alot in my sleep. I hardly slept at all and gave up at 5:00 am and came downstairs. I drank a ton of water and the crampiness isn't there so much but the contractions are, and I just don't feel good at all.

Kev had to be at work at 7:00 am so he took Justin to his mom's house so his sister could watch him and Jakey stayed home with me because a friend of his is picking him up for their "Back To School" event this afternoon and we need to organize his curriculum so that we're set to go on Tuesday.

Anyhow, I feel awful again today. When I was in the hospital Kevin and the boys brought me a framed pic from the 3D u/s to keep my focus on why I'm going through all this. Kevin and I keep saying, "it's better me than her." It's better that I'm uncomfortable, taking tons of medicines, getting shots, etc. then for her to be in the NICU...so whenever I tell Kevin what's going on he reminds me, "it's better you than her." And it is.

30 weeks today! At least we're getting somewhere, right?

Thank you all for the encouragement and support!

I HATE Brethine (Terbutaline), it is some awful stuff. Not as bad as mag, but yuck. I have some fluid in my lungs from the magnesium and then rapid heartrate from the brethine and I feel like I can't breathe, especially if I lay back. So I had a rough night. Plus after about 5.5 hours cramping and contractions REALLY pick up if I don't take more meds and so there is no sleeping through the night, I have to wake up and take my medicine in the middle of the night as well. Anyhow, so I'm not feeling so great. Plus the coughing up of all the fluid in my lungs from the magnesium. Yuck. And coughing during a contraction, feels like you're going to split in two!

I'm missing the boys too. Kevin's work thought they were going to call him in at 3 AM so we decided it would be best if the boys stayed at Kev's mom's house another night so they didn't have to get up at 2:30 to go back in the morning and his work never called. So I guess he's going to clean the house and then go pick up the boys, who I haven't seen since Sunday night! I miss them, I know there's not much I can do for them right now, and they're having alot of fun playing with their aunts and uncle and grandparents and great grandparents, but I miss them! Plus we have to talk to them and explain something of what's going on, because right now they just know they're staying the night there.

Anyhow, our best news of the week is Kevin's work. They've decided to move him into the office so that he can be closer to home at all times and because they had an inside position he was qualified for. He's going in to do some human resources/dispatching stuff. He was a manager of a retail store for 6 years so that experience is what led them to decide to bring him in the office. It'll be a fantastic move for us because he won't work out of town anymore, and he'll have a set schedule. The pay increase won't hurt either! LOL They're supposed to be hiring another driver he can train to take his place and start training him in the office ASAP since the owner doesn't want him too far away from me right now. Yay!

Gosh, I cry alot!

I'm trying not to worry. It's hard to go from having people walking around you checking you and making sure you're ok to just kind of sitting here hoping you're fine. I called the doctor's office and asked when I should come in and the whole thing to the nurse and she talked to the doctor and comes back on the line and says, "he said for you to come in Friday." I'm kind of feeling like just dumped off to hopefully do ok, yk? And I mentioned my bp and nothing, it's fine, he'll see me Friday. So on one hand I'm so glad to be able to rest in my bed and not have to deal with all the monitoring and so on, I'm so stressed that I'm going to dialate further and it'll be too late to do anything to stop it. So I cry.

Then I think about all the other people taking care of the boys, and I cry.

The fact that the kitchen floor needs mopped and the dishes in the dishwasher didn't really come clean from when Kev "washed" them, and I cry.

Yep, I cry.

Ugh. I am totally hormonal about all this. And then on the other hand, I'm really trying, I'm staying down, taking my meds, drinking water, and still contracting...and worrying....and crying. I wish I had a crystal ball that told me what's going to happen, good or bad, whatever so I could just know - so I could prepare and plan, and not just hope and pray. Ugh.

Shhh, don't tell anyone I'm at the computer...LOL

I had "slight" changes after they removed the magnesium but that was because they wanted me to be "active" during the no meds phase and then during the not moving I didn't change much at all, so they sent me home. On COMPLETE bedrest. Argh...for at LEAST 6 weeks. We got home in the middle of the night and I woke up bawling my eyes out this morning thinking of all the help I need.

Kev's sister (18) isn't currently working or in school so his family has designated her to watch my children during the week while Kev's at work, and they live 2 doors down from Kevin's grandma so she's helping too. And she'll be taking me to my 483297432 dr's appointments. If I change at all from being home then I'll be back in the hospital until I'm 34 weeks pregnant, no matter what.

I'm stressed thinking of everything everyone else is going to have to do for me. And I feel guilty, and I'm hormonal on top of all that so I've just been bawling all morning. Anyhow I am off to shower off the nasty magnesium sweat smell off me, YUCK. That stuff is HORRIBLE!!!!!

Oh and my blood pressure has become a concern too - we'll see what happens with that, it was around 160/100 when I left, I'm holding for the doctor's office to see what they want to do with me for that. Fun stuff.

this is kevin again.the gave dawn the beta shots 4 the baby lungs.she should be on the mag a few more hourss then wing her off if everything goes well she should be home tomarrow.

This is dawns husband she is on the phone making me post...lol.she had to go to the hospital.she was contracting and at the moment she is on magnesium.doctor said she will get out maybe tomarrow night.

She is a good girl!!

Sweet little girl cooperated today!! She was good for us and gave us lots of pics. Of course I had to get on my hands and knees for some of the ultrasound, drink apple juice, eat candy bars, and at one point she had me lay the opposite way on the table with my feet up the wall...I was feeling a little sick to my stomach by the end, LOL! Anyhow, without further delay...

JAYDEN FAITH!

Thank You!

Thanks to everyone who offered to help (or was just supportive :) ) of my plight earlier...I went ahead and just emailed it to Kate and Kate got it for me! Yay!!! I can now call and get these parents on the ball! I MUST have their talks soon! Our program is September 23rd! LOL

In other news, today I fell asleep in my recliner around 3:00 (Kev was home so he was watching the boys) and when I woke up at 4:15 or so I was drenched in sweat, shaking and freaking out. It felt like it was 1 million degrees in our house. I asked Kev what was going on and he said that he thinks the a/c might not be working. So we called our landlord and she said she'd talk to the owners and see what they want to do, Kev informed her it's an emergency situation as I am soooo pregnant and NEED the a/c, but she has yet to call us back. Grrrr!! We're hoping she calls tomorrow with a solution because I cannot take the heat, I'm sitting here eating popsicles and downing bottles of water with a fan blowing directly on me (and heaven help anyone who walks in front of my fan!!!) DYING.

Anyhow I'm exhausted so I'm going to go take another cold shower, eat another popsicle, drink another bottle of water, and lay in my chair wearing as close to nothing as possible and DIE. Goodnight all!

Need HELP!

The Primary President emailed me the Primary Program outline this morning as she left for out of town. I'm supposed to use it to call the parents and remind them we need the talks and be able to tell them what the thing their kid is talking about is. She apparently has Word 2007 and I don't...so I can't get it to open for the life of me! She's in Utah at a family reunion (or actually driving there) and I REALLY need this thing opened, it's going to be 2 weeks before she's back!!

So HELP!! If you can open a word 2007 document on your computer could you let me know and I'll email it to you? I have most everyone who posts to my blogs email addy so you don't have to post it, just let me know you can, if you don't think I have your email addy then mine is dawn_parnell AT sbcglobal.net (written that way to try to keep phishers down, obviously you'd use the @ symbol and no spaces LOL). Anyhow, please!!!! :)

Want to clean. Can't bend over.

My kitchen and bathrooms are spotless - everything is on a counter that I can reach and the only bending over I do at all is emptying out the little trash cans. I even kind of stand to scrub the showers and toilets....so they're really not that bad. My living room on the other hand, COMPLETE DISASTER.

Kevin got off early yesterday to go with us to Jakey's pack meeting and so I asked him if he could please clean the living room, I swear everything in here is on the floor! I've asked Jakey, I try to get Justin's help - NONE of these boys is going to help me! I just can't bend over...I thought about getting a trash bag and sitting on the floor and crawling around to pick up the trash, the thing is it infuriates me because why should I have to????? And honestly - NONE of the stuff on the floor is something *I* put there! (It's the boys' YuGiOh cards, Kevin's junk and shoes and clothes, etc.) So AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. I think I need one of those picker upper thingies that people use to pick up roadside trash, and I think I want to just throw everything away.

My next least favorite bending activity - LAUNDRY. I could START laundry all day - I DREAD switching it over to the dryer and getting it out of the dryer, I could even fold and put it away and not be too upset, it's the bending I tell ya. It's like trying to reach for something with a basketball attached to your stomach - does not make for good bending!!!

Anyhow, how'd you do it when you were bigger pregnant? Just leave the junk on the floor for the last 3 months of your pregnancy? LOL

Thank goodness, he earned a plastic thingy that hangs from the other breast pocket button and has a leather strap thingy and holds a bead, he earned the first bead towards his wolf, thank goodness! He insisted on putting the plastic thingy onto his button himself and i just knew he was going to break the button, finally I heard a "snap!" and I almost started crying and then he said, "I did it! It's on!" and Kev told me he didn't break the button...LOL

The boys did a cute skit and Jakey got to post the colors which really excited him, he was really proud. He's supposed to get I think it's a fishing belt loop thingy or something, anyhow he'll get that next month because we forgot to sign off one part of it. Anyhow, cute, cute!

Homemaking challenged

How did I get to be so challenged in the department of homemaking? Seriously?

I waited until the last minute to sew Jakey's Bobcat patch on his uniform and his uniform has to look right for the pack meeting tonight so I had to do it today. I again undertook patch sewing 101, I stabbed myself in the fingers, it was awful. Do you know where the Bobcat patch goes? Under the button of the breast pocket, so I sewed on the patch and guess what...Jakey won't be putting anything in THAT pocket! LOL Ooops, and I was trying to be careful so that I didn't go through the shirt part of the pocket, just the front part, oh well. And then I finish and hold up the shirt and it's scrunched on the one side. Argh!

Is it bad that I'm kind of hoping he doesn't earn any awards that have to be sewn on his uniform this month????????

Try, try again.

We decided we REALLY want to do this because this is likely our last baby and we're not going to get this chance again. So I called a boutique type place called Baby's First Photos and scheduled an appointment for Saturday before my baby shower...LOL. My appointment is at 9:00 am, but we have to be there by 8:45. I told the lady my baby shower is at 11:30 and I HAVE to be on time, and she swears I will be, that even if the baby is uncooperative, I am the first appointment of the day and I can go eat or walk around to move her if she does the same things as yesterday. She also said to drink ALOT of fluids the next few days, it'll make the baby pee more and the more amniotic fluid the better, plus it'll clear my bladder out as well. I don't have to come with a full bladder, just drink alot between now and then to make everything as clear as possible. Also I am to eat a pancake breakfast with orange juice and some kind of protein like sausage, eggs, bacon, something. So I feel pretty comfortable, this is one of the places my dr's u/s tech recommended if I try again because they have all day to try to get a picture of my baby that is good, where she doesn't really. HOPEFULLY, Jayden cooperates, what a stinker!

It is a bit more expensive :( but oh well what can ya do, LOL. We will take the boys too because my dr's office is NOT kid friendly, they're not even allowed in the waiting room so my kids would have had to wait in the hall until it was my turn for my u/s, this place has toys and stuff for siblings and a 100 inch plasma tv to watch the u/s on and they guarantee that appointments run on time, so we're going to bring the boys with us. Either it'll go well and all 3 of my children will cooperate or I'll be ready to tear my hair out before my babyshower...LOL.

Anyhow, everyone have a talk with this girl, she NEEDS to keep her feet and hands out of her face on Saturday! I'm going to be poking and proding her all week to not be such a stinker!!!

My 3D u/s pics turned out so badly that they refunded my money without my even asking. :( She kept her feet and hands in her face the whole time and refused to move them, then when messed with for so long turned away completely and refused to cooperate. What a stinker. :( The ONLY thing she showed us was her girl parts in 3D, there is NO WAY that she's a boy. As the u/s tech said, "If that's a boy, he's not going to be dating much."

Marking my spot!

For my 3D u/s pictures this afternoon!! I'm so excited that I get to go today and get the 3D u/s done!! I can't wait to see her in 3D! Well and make sure she is still a she....my appointment isn't until 3:00 PM though, and it's an hour long, plus Kev wants to go by his mom's house and show her the u/s DVD when we're done, so who knows when I'll finally get home, but I will DEFINATELY be posting the pictures! :)

Smallest vent ever.

We lost the remote to our DVD player in the living room, and it's a cheapie ($35 walmart one) and so I don't really feel the need to run out and buy one but it doesn't have the buttons on the front for skipping, just for play, stop, and eject, right? Well lame-o me, gets all the way through the previews and pushes the eject button instead of play on accident. So yep, I'm blogging while the previews run, AGAIN.

That Stardust movie does look really cool though...LOL

I miss the sun!

The Zaca Fire has been going since I think August 1st and we've had horribly smokey skies for about 12 days now....it's AWFUL! My car is covered in ash every morning and you can't breath outside. The only slightly nice thing is that it's not as hot as it usually is here, because of our "cloud" covering. But overall, I miss the sun!

Yep my kids are eachother's clones...LOL They look like Kevin - EXACTLY!

Jakey at 1 year old:



Justin at 1 year old:



Jakey at 3:



Justin at 3:



They do kind of look like my family:

Years ago, when Jakey was younger he went through a Toy Story phase that lasted until he was about 4.5. Justin reached the same phase this month and viola! He's IN LOVE with Woody and Buzz. We must have watched Toy Story 2 forty times yesterday...LOL! So I showed Justin this picture of Jakey from the Halloween 2002. Now he DESPERATELY wants to be Buzz Lightyear for Halloween. Too bad I didn't save this very expensive costume, huh? LOL OH well the wings popped 2 doors after this pic was taken, LOL!

Happy Wednesday! :)

Yesterday I ran off and ran a ton of errands. I also pre-registered at the hospital. We decided to go with the one I had Justin in, it's technically faster to get to (I wouldn't say closer, there is just less traffic between us and it LOL) but oh man, I almost threw up registering. I hope, hope, hope that when I have this baby it's the bare minimum of a 3 day c/s stay and THAT'S IT. LOL I don't think I could do 24 days in the hospital again!

I also did my 1 hour gluclose tolerance test, oh so fun! LOL They change the rules for this test everytime I take it. This time it was no fasting, since I've failed GTT's I've fasted for I can't imagine how I'd possibly pass this one?! Anyhow while I sat at the lab for an hour it seemed like a ton of high school students were coming in for TB tests and other physical bloodwork. Sitting in a waiting room with a bunch of teens hauled in there by their parents was not so fun. They all had such attitude! I think there was a breeze from all the rolling eyes!!! I sure hope that I don't end up having a teen like that...probably will though since Jakey is just a step down from it at 7! LOL

Last night Jakey REALLY felt Jayden kick HARD after dinner. He was amazed by it. He had a million questions...I think sometimes he forgets that she's "real" until he sees my belly move, a u/s pic, or feels her move. He said it's not fair that only girls get to feel the baby move from the inside....I agree...LOL!

Also last night, I got up and went to the bathroom and then laid back down on the bed on my back for a few minutes before choosing a hip to torture with all my weight. As I was lying on my back, Kevin who was facing away from me, threw an arm over his side in his sleep and slapped me hard on my belly, struck me right square in the middle. So hard I about threw up. So we were both up for a while until I felt Jayden start moving around and I could relax enough to go back to sleep. It was an accident, he was asleep, but between that and him kneeing me in the stomach when he rolls over, I'm not getting much sleep with him in the bed!

Good Monday Afternoon everyone!!

I am a HUGE fan of Michael's, I just have to share, LOL! I went the other day and bought a bunch of clearance crafts and when the "I'm bored!" gets to be too much I whip out a small $1 craft (that from Michael's comes complete with whatever markers or paint the project calls for, even the glue if it calls for that!) and the boys happily craft away. They've made models and bookstands, painted clay figurines and picture frames, all for a dollar each! My sanity is worth a few bucks here and there! LOL

Our primary program is next month - on the 23rd. Our music person had been sick for a long time and we finally just had to release him because the kids needed to learn the songs. The only person we felt could whip our primary into shape before the program is a seminary teacher so we had to get special permission for her to do our music in primary - thankfully she accepted the call and the stake presidency ok'ed it! SHe's done wonders with the kids....some have solos, some are singing duets, it sounds gorgeous. Although, we teachers have our fair share of carrying a tune to do too. (That's my least favorite part.) But it finally feels like the program is coming together. Jakey's going to re-give a talk he gave in Primary in July about Kevin's conversion to the church.

In other news, people who can't make my mom's shower that she's throwing for me have been giving me gifts - yay :) LOL No really, I said don't worry about it, but it is cute to see what outfits they've found that i haven't managed to buy yet...LOL One friend is due any day and didn't want to commit to being there just in case and so she gave us some bottles. Well she's a new friend, what can I say, LOL Justin hasn't ever seen a bottle really before, he grabbed the bottle and started banging it on things he wanted to know if it was a hammer, or a toy hammer for Jayden. His 4 year old friend told him, no it's for babies to drink from and he says "why?" LOL They had the cutest conversation about some babies drinking from bottles and some drinking from boobies. A very insightful 4 year old said, "some babies like to be fed off boobies and some like to be fed of bottles, it doesn't really matter though as long as they like it and their mom is happy and they are getting milk." If only adult women could understand that! LOL

Friday cannot come soon enough, I'm really looking forward to my prenatal massage!!! I'm gonna lay on my belly!! Yay for that! I'm wondering if Jayden's gone head down because the lump she likes to poke out above my belly button seems alot bigger than it was last week.

Anyhow, time for an afternoon nap!! :)

Since Justin's great pepper adventure a while back, he has had a major pepper aversion. I mean really, who wouldn't? LOL Anyhow, when we're at restaurants and he's supposed to slide in up against the wall where they usually keep the salt and pepper shakers, he freaks out until you move the shakers away to the other side of the table because he's so afraid of pepper. When you sprinkle it on your food you have to make sure he's not looking or he cries. Today this aversion reached a new level.

We haven't bought pepper to replace the pepper he put on the stairs until today. I was making this soup and I really like pepper in my soup. So Kevin picked some up at the store and when I was putting away the groceries Justin saw it and freaked out! He started crying, "No mommy! Pepper hurts butts!" He was even more upset when he saw me put it on my food and almost couldn't sleep tonight because I put it in a cupboard in the kitchen....LOL He's a nut.

I just wanted to share, that it frustrates me to NO END when I update my blog and can't see the updates myself...grrr!

Anyhow, 2nd post for the day.

I was talking to my mom and Kevin's work sucks, I mean really. He's on call all the itme and we never know when he's going in. Other than that, it's perfect. It pays well, they treat him well, etc. I just HATE that he has NO schedule and I can't schedule anything and it's super hard for us with only having the one car.

Anyhow, she brought up watching the kids for me next fall after school (she works at a school) so I could go back to school. I want to get my Bachelor's and because for the first 2-3 years I couldn't go fulltime, but once Jayden's old enough for preschool I could go fulltime, and then once she's in school. But I don't know. I am opposed to putting the kids in daycare, but having my mom watch them? When I graduated Kevin would be staying home and going to school part time (when I'm home) so that some day he could possibly have a job that has a better schedule. But I just don't know. And add on to that I have NO IDEA what I really want to be. I mean I'd love to be a nurse but don't know if I could commit to the time for the actual nursing program, and I'd like to teach but I don't know if that would really support our family (while Kev's in school). I don't know...I guess even at 26 I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Why can't things just be easier, your dream job told to you and all you have to do is get the education and you can do it? Sigh...

We'll see though because next August/September I might not be ready to leave Jayden yet and I might just have to opt for a few online courses.

Good Friday morning!!!

Jakey has wanted to have a sleepover for his b-day (in October) for so long, and we've talked and talked about why he can't have one then (it's too close to my due date) and finally decided to go ahead and let him have one, TONIGHT.

So, tonight, Jakey is having 2 little boys from our ward over to spend the night, he's really excited. I went to Michael's yesterday and I bought wooden models for them to do after dinner and some other fun stuff for them to do. And they're going to watch Haunted Mansion when they're done with that. I hope it all goes well, he's so excited and nervous about his first sleepover. LOL

I don't know what to think about what the doctor said yesterday, I really lean towards saying "just section me" because I am SO SCARED to fail. I was so depressed when Jakey was born by c/s and I completely failed to give birth...and then I failed at breastfeeding him too and I was like oh my goodness all my womanly parts don't work! Then with Justin I had huge guilt over not being able to give birth to him vaginally and that I gave birth to him too early, so I really FORCED the breastfeeding issue, it was a really long hard road but made the depression easier because I was able to get at least ONE thing to work right. I hate to set myself up unnecessarily, I'd almost rather just resign myself and say "this was MY choice" then have my choice taken from me.

Anyhow, we're still curriculumless! Where is our curriculum! I'd love to get started looking through and starting lesson plans and trying to get this school year under control but our books aren't here yet! Argh!

Well, I best get to cleaning the house so that these boys can destroy it...LOL I"d hate to rob them of that daily activity...LOL

My appointment went LONG, but well...well not the actual appointment but you know how the wait can be...my appointment was at 10:15 and I didn't leave until 12:15. I was annoyed and hungry, but trying to remind myself "If I had a problem they'd fit me in the schedule, and when my dr is in the room, I'm the only patient" and it really helped that when he was in the room, I WAS the only patient and he took all the time needed to make me feel better.

About my swelling, my bp is GREAT, 118/70, and nothing is in my urine, so he said it's just normal water retention and that it's not a huge concern. I gained 5 stinking pounds! ARGH! LOL I told him of my hip to hip and in between pain and he prescribed prenatal massage given by the in-office massage therapist, my insurance ALWAYS covers 1 per week but he's going to see if he can get me 2-3 of them per week, but we just have to see if they approve it. My first massage is next Friday and I'll be her regular Friday am patient...I'm REALLY excited...if nothing else, to lay on my stomach for an hour!! LOL

I have to retake the 1 hour GTT because the lab doesn't have my results from before vacation - I thought I passed since no one called...ugh. And I got all my "3rd trimester" labs...I'm now on every two weeks appointments and I am going about 2.5 weeks between appointments because I want to go back to Monday morning appointments cause the office is less behind on Monday mornings...LOL So my next appointment is August 27 also I have a STUPID birthing class...I'm REALLY annoyed by this...on Sept 15th...ugh...I'm like I am NOT going to have a vaginal delivery am I? And he said, that even with my 2 c/s, after rereading my c/s reports, he really doesn't mind if I go into labor on my own, just seeing "what happens" as long as it's what I want, if I want to be sectioned as soon as I go into labor then he's ok with that too. I have been setting my mind up all along to just do the c/s and now I have the opportunity to have a vaginal delivery and I am kind of freaking out....what if I fail at it AGAIN?! Ugh. I don't know.

Oh and we had the birth control discussion - I'm just going to get an IUD, I really think that at 26, I just can't make decisions like that for my 30-40 year old self. AND, LOL, long appointment huh? I can deliver at 2 other hospitals besides the one that makes me sick to my stomach...LOL So he said that I can call and set up a tour of the other 2 hospitals (I've never had a baby or seen anyone have a baby at these other two hospitals) and whatever I want is fine.

Anyhow so it was a good appointment. Oh and I get my rhogham shot next Friday after my massage...fun stuff!

Today Kevin's work didn't call him in because he has to work this Saturday and Sunday and they want him to have at least one day off this week. He gets cranky when he works 12 days straight...LOL

So, we tackled our homeschooling closet. I found a bunch of art supplies and school supplies I had been shoveling into this closet, and a few things I had bought for Jayden and forgotten about. Even the black diaper bag Kevin insists on having packed for him because he refuses to touch my "girly" one that I bought for me...LOL We boxed up all of 2nd grade and are completely ready for our 3rd grade curriculum to come in.

I'm trying to be really positive about homeschooling, I really think that we're doing good. It's better than the harrassment and discrimination Jakey was facing at the public school we're in the district for, and right now we're just NOT able to take him across town to another school since we're still sharing a car. We really need to do something about that, but for now we have to do what we have to do.

Anyhow, the missionaries stopped by this morning and don't have dinner this evening so Kevin offered to BBQ some London Broil up for dinner and have them over which on the one hand I was kinda like "aw man now I have to get dressed and clean up the house" but on hte other hand I don't have to cook dinner! LOL So missionaries at 6:00! LOL I know, I have a serious lack of motivation going on, it's crazy.

I've vented to Maren enough about how uncomfortable I am, and even though she's about WAY more uncomfortable than I am, she's a champ! So I don't feel the need to bore you all with my common pregnancy complaints. :) I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow AM and I'll be sure to update then. Tonight I have a date with Tylenol PM!

Well Jakey took the state standardized testing for his school in like April or something and we got the test results yesterday. He did VERY poorly, especially in Language Arts. I feel like this is a reflection on me since I am his teacher and I feel horribly. On one hand I think "some people just don't test well" and on the other hand I think "Oh no, what have I done?" I do think that he did REALLY well with the curriculum and the testing we did for that, so I'm just not sure why he did so poorly on this test.

Maybe he was just super excited to be in a classroom with other kids his age and couldn't really concentrate on the test? Maybe he didn't understand how to fill out the test? I just don't know.

Then of course Kevin was super concerned about this all too and totally jumped me because this test says he reads very poorly, I handed Kevin and Jakey The Book of Mormon and told him have him read any verse to you, he did, and Jakey read it, the kid CAN read, and HARD words. Then we read a chapter, and asked Jakey what happened, he explained in great detail what was going on. He OBVIOUSLY can read, and comprehend...so what happened?

Yeah so my self worth being so closely tied to my child's successes in school can't be good for me....but I'm still gonna feel terrible because I feel like I failed him...I sure hope things go better next year. I kind of think if it's an excitement over being in a regular classroom thing it'll be fixed this year becuase he'll be going to a regular school on Tuesdays from 9-12:30. I sure hope so, I feel terrible! Sigh....oh well we'll just have to try harder this coming year I suppose.

2 more weeks until my 3D u/s! I'm excited about that!

Why is it that kids are sick at night, so you worry all night long, and then are PERFECTLY FINE the next day? Justin all weekend had some kind of watery eyes, cough, and fever going on, last night it got pretty bad and he was crying that his eyes hurt, so I was sure that I'd need to take him to the doctor this morning for sure, nope! This morning he wakes up bright and early and seems 100% fine! Figures! LOL

Yesterday at church a lady who had been baptized the day before was confirmed by one of the elders...so we're sitting there and he did have quite alot of inspiration for her blessing, it was getting pretty long...Justin's arms are folded and then finally he decides he is DONE with this prayer, and says, "Hello! Hello! Elder!!! Jesus says to say, Amen! Ok that's enough, Amen!!" But he's like YELLING this across the chapel, people are stifling laughter, it really was quite a long confirmation! LOL (I did try to make him stop but he was really adamant that the prayer be over! LOL) Anyhow so that was my embarassing moment of the day for yesterday LOL!

Anyhow, I heard a furniture store is going out of business and they have rocker/gliders w/ ottomans on sale for 50-75% off! Need to check that out for sure! Oh and clean this house...ugh it never ends! Just one day without laundry and I'd be a happy woman!

All week I've known that Kevin was going to help his mom move this weekend. When we moved she came and did alot...I didn't feel quite right, turns out I was pregnant and didn't know it, but I didn't feel good so she picked up the slack for me. I knew I was staying home because what am I going to do at 6.5 months pregnant to help in a move? And to watch the kids. Anyhow this morning comes and her phone call to see if Kev was really coming woke me up. That started me in a bad mood.

Everyone else had been up for a while and was watching tv downstairs (Kev has a thing for Saturday morning cartoons) and so I was annoyed that of course they had left the cordless phone with me, and I had to get up and answer it and take it to Kevin. So I laid back down in bed and murmured. I'm tired, my house needs help, I want my husband to stay and help me. And I want to sleep in which isn't going to happen because 1) she woke me up, and 2) if Kev leaves no one will be with the kids, so I'll have to get up and watch them.

I know I'm such a snot! Anyhow so I laid there, and laid there, and laid there, frustrated...finally I realized, she helped us, we need to help, we could definately use the blessings - for sure, and it's the right thing to do. Kevin's in the elder's quorum presidency so this is obviously not the first weekend he's spent away from our family helping someone else move, and I try really hard to just see it as an opportunity to serve and all that, but it's hard! I have a REALLY hard time with this, giving up Kevin's time. Giving up some money? Not a big deal. But Kevin's time? I just feel like there isn't enough to go around and it's too big of a sacrifice for our family, but, I am really working on this. It's not too big of a sacrifice, it's just what we are supposed to do.

Then I think of certain ladies in our ward who are ALWAYS serving others, always have a smile, and are just so there, you know? We had a Book of Mormon study group on Thursday night at Enrichment and discussed overcoming our feelings of inadequacy (I don't think I spelled that right....). I think alot of us in our ward feel inadequate because we're such a small ward we're called on to do large callings, and sometimes more than one calling at a time to fill the needs of our ward and while the Lord qualifies those whom he calls, it's still scary!

Anyhow I got up this morning, realized I can pack a few boxes and pick up lunch for everyone, so I'm gonna get dressed and go try to put that smile on my face and find my absolute willingness to serve.

I made the 3D u/s appointment yesterday, it's for August 20th though. They didn't have anything available when I wanted, but I needed that week so they squeezed me in on the 20th when I told her what I wanted it for (that my mom wants to show it at the Baby Luncheon) so I'm set to go! I was amazed by the price because my friend had one not too long ago in a mall type place and it was like $300 total for hers with the DVD, CD, pics and all, mine's only $125 for the DVD, CD, 5X7 in color, and some black and white pics.

Kev was off all day yesterday so we made tons of progress in the nursery and a friend from my ward said she'd paint on Jayden's dresser some flowers so that's going to be cute!! :) My mom is feeling better and has been making secret baby luncheon plans, calling me for certain friends' phone numbers and so on. I wonder what she's planning?????

This morning I woke up at 5 AM starving so I came downstairs and ate something while Kev got ready for work and then went back to bed, well at 8:39 I woke up to the phone ringing, after I got off the phone I went downstairs and the boys had done all their morning routine on their own and were quietly watching cartoons!! (They're supposed to eat - Jakey pours them cereal, get dressed, make their beds, Jakey unloads the dishwasher and Justin is supposed to put their breakfast dishes in it) It was amazing!!! I've been trying to get them more self sufficient in the mornings so that I have that time to nurse Jayden and dress her and I for the day once she's here! I told Jakey wow on getting it all done and not waking me up (with fighting or anything! LOL) and he said I seemed very tired lately (I need a nap almost every day) and so he thought he'd try to help. I think that deserves turning his mother's pin!!!

See that nice calm baby floating in my side bar? Yeah the one that is ------------> over there? Yeah that is NOT my baby. My baby would be beating the crud out of the sides of that circle and not floating peaceful around in it! My baby jumps on the bed everytime I lay down on my side to go to sleep and purposely hits my bladder when I cook dinner so I have to run to the bathroom and risk burning dinner. Yep already, she wants to distract me while I cook dinner! LOL

In good news, I'm 26 weeks! Can you believe it?! I can't! I'm SHOCKED that this pg is finally moving along! I go to the doctor next Wednesday and I'll be scheduling myself for a 3D u/s for I'm hoping August 23rd, my mom is having the baby luncheon on the 25th and wants to show my DVD in the background (it's going to be catered at her house).

Kev's work is slow today so he might be off so I'm off to drag him into helping me in the nursery. And see if I can get him to make bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, and toast for breakfast!

Good morning!

So yesterday *I* managed to sew on Jakey's cub scout uniform patches. Are ya proud? I am! I still have all my fingers, they just have holes in them now. And at one point I stabbed myself in the MIDDLE OF MY PALM with the needle! How do you even do that????? Crazy! Anyhow I was worried i messed it up, but he looked just like all the other kids in uniform so whatever, I did my best.

Actually that was the cutest part, I had Jakey come try on his uniform when I was done and I was telling him I don't know if I did these right and he said they look like everyone else's, that it was fine. And finally he said, "Did you do your best?" and I said "yeah" and he said, "well that's our motto, to do our best, so if you did then you did it right no matter what!" Cute kid, huh?

Anyhow, we used my mom's camera to take pics, especially of him getting his Bobcat and my stepdad holding him upside down while I pinned his mother's pin on his shirt. Cute! So, my mom is having surgery today but she said she'd try to upload the pics and email them to me before she leaves for the surgery center. If she gets to it, then I'll post them, if not it might be a few days! :) (And you'll have to not mind that I look gigantic, like seriously, where is this baby going to really live for the next 3 months?)

Yesterday I had high hopes for my floors and laundry and they were all dashed by my getting in tune with my crafty side and putting those patches on, so today I MUST get the floors and laundry taken care of! I'm still getting so swollen at night I can hardly move, but it doesn't seem to matter what I do (drink a ton of water, not so much, sit all day, be really busy) I just swell, so I'm just gonna do what I want and deal with the swelling when it happens.