Kevin and I are high school sweethearts. We met when I was 16 and he was 18 at Burger King. I worked the drive through and he worked the broiler, we closed together most nights. Eleven years, the day after Thanksgiving was our boss's last day as the manager of our store as she was leaving Burger King for Rent A Center. She breaked everyone in pairs so they'd have someone to talk to and she also gave everyone a free lunch that day. Kevin and I got to take our break together, and here we are eleven years, three kids, lots of jobs, homes, cars, laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, death, birth, and everything in between later.
During our eleven years together many of our friends also married their high school sweethearts. I actually thought it was rare to do that, but a huge rush of us all got married within a year or so of each other and had families. Now time has taken its toll on these young love relationships and these marriages are not all aging gracefully.
There is one couple, divorced last year. Both of them are remarrying here soon or have recently remarried, but overall - moving on. It surprised me to hear of their breakup as they got married the SAME WEEK Kevin and I got married.
Another couple has been through so much together. They were together a few years before Kevin and I and recently decided to split. Their decision isn't final but hearing some of the issues they are facing has made me see their relationship in a different light.
As we are nearing our 30's (Kevin will be 30 in March) more and more of our friends are divorcing. For a while it seemed like we were attending weddings every other weekend, and now it seems like we're hearing of more and more divorce.
Here's the thing. Kevin and I don't have the perfect marriage. I watched The Notebook tonight and I'm no Allie and he's not Noah, but that's ok. I don't always have butterflies in my stomach anymore when he kisses me, instead it's familiar and safe. But I do have the deep need and desire to have my best friend with me. When something good happens I want to share it with him, and when something horrible happens he is who I look to for support. When I see something for the first time, I want Kevin to be with me when I experience it, and when I am hurt, angry, or sad I want him to comfort me. Everything about me is him and everything about him is me, we are like one person and while we exist separately, we are a unit, we are a package deal.
I've been sheltered these past five years. I've stayed at home cooking, cleaning, raising our children, protected from the outside world. Since I have ventured out I realize how much the world can affect you, your family, and your marriage. Outside influences bombard me every day. A friend offers me tea I have to explain why I won't drink it, a teacher assigns a rated R movie to the class I have to explain that, a male classmate wants to meet for lunch to go over classwork or study and I have to explain why it would be improper. I never had to fight all of these forces before, I was bundled and safe in my home. Thanks to Kevin, who kept me out of the world. I can see how some people can let the world come home with them, into their homes, their safe place, their marriage, and into their families and cause such deep grief for their family. I wish it didn't happen, but I can see how it could.
At just under 9 years of marriage I don't have all the answers. Kevin and I have our problems too. Everyone does. But letting the world in, letting these problems become more important or larger than our marriage isn't an option. It does frighten me to see it happening to so many of our friends though. I hear of their divorces and I analyze the reasons and try to find those things in my marriage and remove them to protect us. Maybe this won't be a lesson I have to learn for myself, this will be a lesson I can learn from other people.
I just cannot imagine a life without my partner, my best friend, my lover, my protector, my husband. I don't know...maybe it's our eternal perspective...
