Unfortunately I often let people say things and then later think of some wonderful comeback that I should have said and go over the conversation in my mind over and over again, resolving not to let them speak to me that way again and also hoping that they won't...but some people will continue to say things about you or to you that are hurtful if you don't stand up to them.
Kevin's grandparents have been married for 30-something years and don't have any biological children together but their children are very much THEIR children. His Grandpa's son, Don, married a woman about 2-3 years ago named Becky that he had known in highschool (as had his step-brother and sisters...Kevin's mom, etc.) This woman is loud and while I'm trying to think of another word to describe it only one, a bad one, comes to mind...you know the witchy one. Anyhow, she's not a very nice person. And she's just incredibly loud.
She's said a ton of awful things about me, my kids, my mother-in-law, pretty much everyone in the family but Kevin's grandparents. She has three children that regularly come to family functions, as does her mother. I like her kids and her mother. I don't like her.
She has on more than one occassion called Jayden fat. WTHeck??? How is my 17 lb baby fat? How? She did it again on Thanksgiving.
Also, as her 18 year old daughter was leaving she just left the front door wide open, Jayden and I were sitting across from it and she was asleep and I called out, "Hey, were you born in a barn!" Jokingly, hoping she would think to come back and shut the door. Well she didn't...and her mom got in my face, "what did you say about my daughter????" And got all upset with me for saying that! What? Her daughter isn't/wasn't upset by it I'm sure, if she had heard me I know she takes a joke better than to get mad cause of that!
Anyhow after some more little comments about/to my MIL, my MIL grabbed up all my kids and a couple of hers and rushed out the door, "that's it! We're going home!" and ran out the door with them. I could see this look on my Grandmother-in-law's face that she was really upset. All of her children had spent the entire night, thanksgiving, on the back porch because they were tired of hearing Becky talk about everyone the way she was. I stayed for a few minutes to talk to her, and she was really upset by it all.
I have been kicking myself for not getting up and saying something when Becky spoke that way to me, or about my family. I'm tired of taking her crap, and I'm tired of my family eating and staying on the back porch because of this woman!
I guess when My MIL left she ran into Becky's other daughter out on the front porch and said, "what is your mother's problem?" and Sierra said that it was that, "oh she's mad at Dawn." Well I guess after they left, Sierra told Becky that my MIL had asked her what her problem was and so Becky called Kevin's grandparents playing the "oh they're so mean to me..." card. Basically, even Kevin's grandpa, was like, "oh well, what do you want me to do about it?" Because they KNOW she's horrible and mean to everyone.
I'm DONE. I mean I don't say anything because it's not nice and it's not very Christian like to throw punches on holidays, but I've had it with her. And if one of my children ever hears and understands her speaking about them in that way I really don't think I will be able to stop myself...so I think it's time to say something to her. She's terrorized this family too long and I'm sick of it. She's frequently over at Kevin's grandparent's house on weekdays and I think this week I'm gonna have to have a talk with her. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.
So what do you do? Do you tell someone who does this to you to stop? Or do you just keep letting them do what they're doing and run the risk of your children evening hearing/understanding the things she says about them?
Week 26: Recovering
5 years ago
6 comments:
Ugh! Sorry; that sounds like so much drama, especially during a holiday. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Jayden is NOT fat, and my mom said "born in a barn" to me all the time ... I'd never thought of it as truly insulting! Hmm; guess I should watch what I say, just in case. LOL
At any rate, I don't necessarily think that telling her off is the right thing to do -- it just causes more drama and it almost seems like she's seeking it out (she must be to be acting so rude, right??). But you should stick up for your kids, definitely. If she crosses the line, just tell her so: "hey, my Jayden's not fat; I don't appreciate you saying that." (Lots of "I feel" kind of statements instead of "you're wrong" kind of statements; it's harder to refute.)
Good luck; I hate dealing with jerky people! (Why can't everyone just be NICE??)
I think that's what I intend to do, say "I feel as though Jayden is not fat, and if she were, it's not your place to point it out and should she begin to understand what fat is I don't want her to feel badly because she hears you saying things about her weight." And try not to say, "I feel like punching you because you suck" LOL Because that's not very productive. LOL
I know...not even 18 lbs yet, fat???? My inner-bad-thoughts were, "that's less than your thigh..." But I didn't say that either.
I'm sorry you have to go through that Dawn, especially with family. Pray before you go over there to talk to her that you will try to be a calm person so it doesn't turn into a bigger thing than it is. We have a certain family member in our family that had driven us away from family get togethers. Talking to them doesn't help. They get so defensive when you bring up something they've done to you and it makes you uncomfortable to be around them. But it sounds like you have a lot of family members behind you and they will support you in the outcome of your talk with her.
She sounds like she has personal issues that she doesn't know how to handle on her own, attacking a baby and calling her fat, she needs therapy. Jayden is perfect.
This is just my opinion. I would have had a hard time being nice and letting it go for the sake of the holidays. Here goes,
1.) She should just be quiet if she is going to say anything negative to or about people. Whole problem solved.
2.) She is not a happy person and needs drama. It is a sickness and she needs counseling.
3.) SHE is placing people in a position to cause these issues and needs to figure out why. Not a very nice thing to do to elderly people.
4. Simply ask her which comments she made were truely necessary.
It would be interesting to hear what her answers were for her behavior. Didnt sound like anyone asked for her opinions, attitude, or drama. Treat her like you are a counselor.
Hee hee! Your comment made me laugh. :-) And yeah, I think you're right on. Draw the line without being argumentative. I doubt she is the kind of person to own up to being wrong, so really the point of bringing it up is not to change her but to help yourself and your kids and the rest of the family feel better about the situation.
And I really like the advice to pray before going over there.
Dawn, While I know turning the other cheek is what is supposed to happen, I do NOT believe I could do that. However, any confrontation with this woman would be futile. She will know exactly what bugs you and use it to try your patience. I do believe that your children are your first consideration. Tell Kevin that because it is his family, he has to handle it. If he chooses not to or is unable to resolve the situation, you and the kids will no longer be attending any functions where there is even a chance she will be there. If you are worried she will think she has 'run you off', she's a fool. You will simply be providing your children with a healthier environment and a happier mother. You know the old saying--when Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy--? It is something Kevin should be as anxious to resolve as you are.
Good luck. :)
Kiss that baby for me!
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